The Passing of a Brave Soul

 

                Like a star that has burned too bright for too long, my mother finally lost her battle with Alzheimer’s this past year.  Her passing has been difficult for me, but gladly my father is doing extremely well after losing his lifelong partner.  With each days chores and the process of closing the final chapter of my mother’s life to keep him busy, I think my father will be okay. Each momento we go through is a teardrop that falls, a laugh that is heard, a memory that is shared, or a puzzled thought of why on earth? I know this will be a long process, as my father needs to take it at his own pace.

                My own memories of my mother are of a lady that was scared of everything. She could not swim, was scared of heights, and anything that crawled. Yet this lady who screamed “ Let us out of the Jeep so we can walk”, every  time dad drove on the side of a hill, still went everywhere with my dad. They traveled the world like a couple of National Geographic explores to places I will only dream of. With her passing I have come to realize that she was the bravest person I will ever know. As fearful as she was, she still went with my dad on his adventures to see the world. From shooting rapids in the Grand Canyon to the Swiss Alps. I learned something from this that is very important, if you’re fearful of something, do it anyway. You only have one life and you need to fill it with as many memories as you can.

                I can’t help but think of the things that I should have said long ago, and the things I do not want to let go by in my own life. The profound reflection on my own life, the regret of what I think I should have done with my own family and the realization that what I thought was important only to realize that it wasn’t as important as spending time together. The long 12 hour days I worked to buy them things I did not have when I was young, cannot replace the time I could have spent with them. The memories would have lasted far longer than the things I bought them. In the end all the things we collect through our lives will end up in some thrift store, and I personally think that thrift store should have a sign out front that says” memories for sale”.

                In closing I ask this one final question; how did the material things in life become more important than the things that really matter, if memories are the only thing that we get to take with us when we are gone?

Real life " 50 First Dates"

Living as if you're in the movie" 50 First Dates"

    The thing you really have to understand about my dad and mom is that their current relationship is quite different than the norm. After 50 plus years, my father is still very much in love with my mom. But what people do not see or perceive on the surface is that my mom has Alzheimer's. 

    Imagine if you will waking up each morning and you remember a little bit less of your life each day, a little bit less of the previous day and what you do remember, your confused about what is real and what is not. You may not remember where you are, or who you're with. You confuse your children with long past siblings or don't remember them at all. You're confused as to what time of day it is and repeat questions multiple times because you don't remember asking the question, much less the answer.

    My father on the other hand who still has his mental faculties has quite the challenge each day. To remind my mother each day that where she is living is home and that he still loves her. That she is loved and visited by family on a regular basis, and what is on the TV is not real or part of her life. He spends whatever free time he can find to research the latest information on Alzheimer's, possible cures and homeopathic treatments such as supplements and vitamins. And starts each day as he did the day before, hoping for a cure, hoping that she does not slip away anymore than she did the day before.

   My grandfather once told me," You get out of a relationship what you put into it."  A relationship is something you never stop working at or give up on. It is something you're committed to, no matter what. So when you look in the eyes of the one you love, ask this one question of yourself: "Will they still love me, when I am 99?" 

My first official cheap date

Cheap date #1

    Our official first cheap date came about by mere chance. My wife Corie siad "Our lives were becoming extremely boring and that I needed to do something about it immediately." As with most small towns in Nevada, your choices of entertainment are very limited. Local events are few and far between or cost too much money to attend. Casinos and bars seem to be the only readily available form of entertainment, both of which can cost you an arm and a leg. So you can imagine the dilemma that was facing me as the clock was ticking and Corie was becoming more impatient by the minute.  In sheer frustration I pulled into the local Walmart and began wandering around with Corie in hopes of buying time and that something would spark an idea.
    Now imagine if you will, a large screen TV displayed in front of a couple of comfortable benches like this. That the TV at that very moment begins to play a newly released movie that both of you wanted to see, and that the only thing that is missing is a bag of popcorn and a cold drink. Needless to say I took it as a sign from the gods and seized upon it immediately. We sat there and watched the entire movie. Corie was not only happy we had found something new to do, but that it was very creative. We enjoyed ourselves so much so I don't even remember what the movie was.
     Now you will note that in the photo there is no TV and the benches have only recently been returned to this location. It seems that Walmart somehow became aware that Corie and I were sitting and watching entire movies and possibly the fact we were not the only one's taking advantage of their comfortable benches. 
    From then on it has been a competition between the two of us, as to who can be the most creative at coming up with a cheap date. The rules are pretty loose as we do not keep track the number of dates or how creative. Basically we try to keep it under $20, but the cheaper the better. The whole premise of the cheap date is as follows. 

1. It has to be as cheap as possible and a date that doesn't cost anything is considered to be an ace.
2. It has to be creative, fun and unique so that you keep the interest of both parties.
3. But most importantly it must help both of you to connect with one another. 

    So if you've had any cheap dates we would be very interested in hearing about them, the good and the bad.

Cheap dates, what keeps a relationship going.

    My Mom and Dad shopping at Walmart and I guess you could say that it was one of many cheap dates. And I say that because I think cheap dates is what keeps a relationship going. The little get-togethers that are formal or informal, planned or unplanned that help the couple connect with each other. It is a date or rendezvous that typically involves very little money or extravagant settings. It's not about how cheap you can be, but it is about how creative you can be. It really doesn't involve money, because if you spend a lot of money on flowers or dinner it becomes a date where you're expecting something in return. And to me that always seemed a little bit like trying to find a cheap hooker and not about romance.

    Now initially cheap dates started for my wife and I because we had very little money. We would save up pennies and nickels in a jar, so that we could sit in the coffee shop, drink coffee, and talk about the day's events or coming events. Over the years it has actually ended up turning into a competition of sorts. Who can find or create the cheapest date. The focal point is still not the money and more about spending time together and connecting with one another. Although the coupons, the free outdoor events, the 5K run/walks events and even the strange and off-the-wall get-togethers still play a big part. The funny thing about cheap dates is that I remember them more vividly than any other time. And when things were tough, and we were just getting by they still bring happy memories to me.

    So if you want your relationship to the last, you need to work at it and you need to have cheap dates.

    In the coming posts I hope to share with you some of those cheap dates and to inspire you to have a few cheap dates of your own. Blessings be.